…you deserve to be replenished with the same quality of attention you so generously offer…
This is the final part of a guide to staying grounded in complexity. The other parts (tending, preparing, listening deeply, creating and moving through) are here.
Part Five: After
When you work with complexity, every conversation, session or workshop will feel like it demanded something from you. Your attention. Your intention. Your presence. These are not neutral things and they are not free. No matter how joyful or successful the session was, something was asked of you and something was given.
It is a strong signal that you were truly there.
Before you leave, if you can, thank people individually, personally, and specifically, where it is genuine and appropriate. Make the connections you need to make. Note your follow ups while they are fresh. These small acts close things properly.
And then, when everyone has gone, take a moment. Try to leave enough time that you do not have to rush to pack up and leave. Tidy the room unhurriedly while you feel yourself return. For me that often begins with hearing my own thoughts loudly again, after keeping them quiet so I can concentrate.
Consider doing a body scan. How are you feeling? Where are you feeling it? What stands out from the session? What felt important? What is still nagging at you? What are you cringing about? Anything you really wish you’d said note down for later.
Be honest. Be specific. And then ask: can you offer yourself the same grace you hopefully offered everyone else in that room today?
You really should (and yes, this might be a reminder to myself). You cannot sustainably give to others what you consistently withhold from yourself. The care and presence and compassion you brought into that room did not come from nowhere. They came from you. And you deserve to be replenished with the same quality of attention you so generously offer.
This is how you ensure you can walk into the next room, and the one after that, and bring the same quality of presence and attention every single time.
Working through complexity with others asks more of us because the outcomes are more uncontrollable than usual. That uncertainty can linger in your body, in your mood and your senses after the room empties. So the work continues after everyone leaves. But so does the care. Especially for yourself.
From complexity to action
I believe that working through complexity well helps everyone to make better decisions, with a fuller understanding of what is actually at stake.
In complex spaces, premature consensus can be an unexpected warning sign. Apparent agreement can mask unresolved conflict, unspoken risk, group think, or voices that have not been heard. Taking the time to surface divergence creates a stronger foundation for action, even if it feels slower or a bit awkward in the moment.
The outcomes of this work are usually not immediate or particularly tidy. They may include clearer problem definitions, a shared language for disagreement, increased trust, or a more realistic sense of what is possible. These are the very conditions that make durable decisions possible.
The task is often to translate what emerged in the room into forms that can be acted on: options rather than false binaries, risks rather than reassurances, and recommendations that reflect uncertainty honestly rather than smoothing it away. When done well, this approach reduces the likelihood of later resistance, failure, or harm caused by decisions made on incomplete understanding.
Decisions made with complexity properly in view are more likely to hold.