listen(v.)
from Old Engish hlysnan (Mercian), lysna (Northumbrian) “to listen, hear; attend to, obey”
deep(adj.)
Old English deop “profound, awful, mysterious; serious, solemn,”
This is the second part of a guide to staying grounded in complexity. The introduction is here, and you can find Part One here.
I wasn’t sure what to call this part of the guide. Then, as is so often the way, a book came into my hands that contained suggestions. The book was Hark by Alice Vincent, kindly loaned to me by my friend Erin. A lot of it was striking, but what stayed with me was the concept of Deep Listening. Embodied listening. Paying attention to so much more than just sound waves, feeling instead the myriad ways we have of communicating with our whole selves. It felt right for here.
Part Two: Listening Deeply
When you are dealing with complexity, before a word has been said, you are already working. Each of us has our own ways of listening, and not all of them involve hearing with our ears. So much human communication is non verbal. Listening deeply involves all of the senses available to you, your colleagues, cofacilitators and/or allies.
If you can, it is helpful to be with someone you trust and who knows your wavelength. A co-facilitator frees you to read the room more fully, to hold one thread while you follow another. Choose that person, or people, carefully if you can.
Things to pay attention to include body language, the small talk, or the absence of it. The general energy: is it hostile, convivial, flat, nervous? Who meets your eye with interest and who looks away? Who is already bored? Who is sitting alone? Are there any unholy alliances forming? Are any voices shrill, cynical or sleepy?
All of this is information. Nothing more, nothing less. None of it is inherently good or bad. None of it can tell you whether this session, conversation or workshop will succeed or fail. But it should shape how you open, the tone you take, whether you stand at the front of the room or pull up a chair and sit among people.
The size of the room and the number of participants matters. Thirty people across six tables is a different world from six people around one. The intensity is not greater or less, but it does differ. The way the energy moves and what any silences mean differs. Be prepared to adjust accordingly, because there is no single approach that will work across all scales.
Whether you are alone, or in a team, whether the dynamic you are navigating feels broadly positive or incredibly difficult, the most powerful tool is to slow down. Pause deliberately. Allow silence when it is needed. Silence in a complex room is often where the most important thinking happens. Try to resist the very human urge to fill it.
And know this: listening deeply is exhausting in a very particular way. Being present and attuned to others intentionally is not something that can be maintained for a long time. This work has a cost. Acknowledge that honestly, in yourself and with those around you.